I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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