sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize