If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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