Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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