how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
