If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
