Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
