my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
