How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
