well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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