i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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