there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
