He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize