I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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