Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
