Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
