and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
