I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
