I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
