I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
