Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
