i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize