just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
