I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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