I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
