walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
