You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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