hell yes lets make some ravioli
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
