I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
