I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
