Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
