i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
