you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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