I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
