I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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