I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
