I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
