If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
