I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
