I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
