see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Of course I have a pirate flag
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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