Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
