OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
