You smell like stripper and shame
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
