The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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