You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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