He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
