I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
