You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
