Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
