tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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