The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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