I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
did i just pee glitter
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
