did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
