i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So vagazzling was a success
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
