guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
