I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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