Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize