I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
