Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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