I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
