at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
