I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
