The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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