you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
