This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
