I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
