im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
