Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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